The burden of expectations: is it yours to carry?
In this article we will explore the impact of feeling overburdened. We’ll explore the things that can cause us to feel overburdened and identify changes you can make to start to turn things around. Let’s challenge society’s expectations (and your own) and prioritise self-care. Let’s liberate you from the weight of other people’s (and your) expectations.
A day in the life
Picture the scene; it’s 8.20am on a weekday.
- Your son calls you from upstairs because he can’t find his PE shorts, and he should have left for school ten minutes ago.
- Your nursery-age daughter tells you that she has decided nursery isn’t for her and isn’t going.
- Just as you are about to respond to your children, your phone rings with a loved one reminding you about that super important thing you agreed to do later in the evening. You only have the vaguest recollection of the conversation. She tells you that while others have offered to help, she would much prefer you to be there.
- While all of this is going on, in the back of your mind, you’re thinking about how difficult things have been at work lately.
- Your boss’s expectations of you seem to vastly outweigh what she expects from others.
Does this feel familiar to you? Perhaps your life doesn’t exactly map onto the example above, but how about the sentiment. The idea that you have so many things going on that you don’t have space for yourself.
Breaking free from societal pressure
I know that you understand how it feels to feel burdened by expectations.
Constantly juggling the needs and expectations of those around you while neglecting your own wellbeing?
You are not alone.
As women, we often find ourselves trapped in a societal web that places unreasonable expectations on us to care for everyone else while disregarding our own needs.
It’s time to ask yourself an important question, the weight of expectation, pressure and duty you carry around. Are they all yours to carry?
It starts when we are young
From a young age, we are conditioned to be nurturers and caregivers, often through culture, society or simply the vision we have in our minds of being all things to all people.
We are taught to be selfless, compassionate, and always ready to help.
Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in the importance of caring for others. However, it is common for us to do this in a way that denies our own humanity.
Again, these qualities are admirable, but they can become a double-edged sword when they morph into expectations that we must bear the responsibility of caring for everyone else.
The importance of self-care and setting healthy boundaries
The pressure to be the constant caretaker can be overwhelming, whether it’s our families, partners, friends, or even colleagues. You often find yourself:
- shouldering the emotional labour
- always putting others’ needs before your own
- you’re the go-to person for support, advice, and emotional stability.
But who do you turn to when you need a shoulder to lean on? Are you even thought of by others as someone who needs help?
Well, you do need help. We all do at times.
It starts with a thought
I imagine that sometimes you feel obligated to carry the world’s weight on your own.
The truth is, it is not solely your burden to carry. Society has conditioned us to believe that our worth lies in our ability to cater to others.
We are made to feel guilty if we prioritise our own wellbeing. It may also be that you think you have failed in some way if you say no to someone’s request for help as if taking care of yourself is somehow selfish.
But you must challenge this narrative and reclaim our right to self-care. Your self-preservation is good for everyone in your life.
Where will you be if things don’t change?
There are some things that you need to do in order to liberate yourself from the weight of expectations. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it is a necessity. Just like the safety instructions on an aeroplane, we must put on our own oxygen masks before assisting others.
It’s not a sign of weakness or selfishness—it’s an act of self-preservation. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and if you neglect our own needs, you will eventually burn out and be of no help to anyone.
Challenging gender norms: sharing responsibilities
Recognising that it is not solely your responsibility to care for everyone else is liberating.
It allows you to set healthy boundaries, say no without guilt, and prioritise your wellbeing. It’s time to shift the paradigm and let go of the unrealistic expectations placed upon you by others and yourself.
You are not superhuman; you are fully human with your own desires, dreams, and limits.
It’s also essential to challenge the gender norms that perpetuate these expectations. We must demand equality in caregiving and emotional labour.
Sharing responsibilities with our partners, families, and communities is not a sign of weakness or laziness; it’s a step towards creating a more balanced and fair society.
Embracing support systems and networks of care
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. In order to liberate yourself from the weight of expectations:
- Reach out to your support system and talk openly about your struggles and needs in a way that feels safe for you.
- Start small, try scheduling in 5 minutes for yourself each day, and keep that appointment as if the world will end if you don’t. This will ensure you prioritise self-care.
- Also, consider creating or joining a network of care that is reciprocal.
- Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and support you, who value your wellbeing as much as you value theirs.
In conclusion
- You can break free from societal pressure.
- You must put on your own oxygen mask first.
- Prioritising time for your own self-care in turn helps you to be more available for others.
- It is ok to ask for support.
Ready to prioritise your wellbeing?
Connect with the Perspectives Team and we will be happy to provide personalised pointers to take that important step toward a balanced life.
Just click here and tell us what’s on your mind if the barriers to your progress are too high or to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. We can come up with an initial step to take to help you to work towards your goals.
If you don’t already have it, click here for a free exercise that will help you on your journey.
You are worthy of love, compassion, and care—starting with yourself. Embrace the idea that it is not solely your burden to carry and release the weight of unrealistic expectations. Your happiness and wellbeing matter, and by taking care of yourself, you become a beacon of strength and empowerment for others.
So, take a moment to breathe, reflect, and ask yourself: “Is it mine to carry?” The answer will guide you towards a path of self-discovery, self-love, and a more balanced life.
Embrace the journey to self-discovery and empowerment, you are worthy of self-care!